I don’t even know where to begin. it’s been a while, my apologies. I have quite this pressure in the side of my head. hoping it’s sinuses and not stress. I do have a lot on my plate, but it’s nothing I can’t handle.
keeping my fingers crossed for positive vibes these last two weeks. if everything works out, I’ll tell you all why then. if not, eh, I’ll tell you anyway.
I can’t help thinking about what true love really means. can you have love without trust? are we sometimes so blind and oblivious that we forgive too easily? how do I know if trust has been regained? will the trust gods come down and be like “ok britt, you can trust him again”?
and why are people so selfish? it’s not a good look. granted, I may be a little hypocritical since I do have my moments, but I know deep down I have a really good and strong heart and do want the best for others. how do we maintain that balance between doing good for others and still keeping ourselves a priority?
I’ll be totally honest: I’m blogging from the beach. I’m not religious, but I do feel blessed. a lot of people love me. I just have a hard time accepting the love from others. in fact, I’ve been known to push it away. which is so insane because who doesn’t want to be loved? I love people and I want them to feel it, so why can’t i do the same? I feel like somehow someway it trickles back down to self worth. maybe it’s time to dig a little deeper in my world of soul searching.
feedback always appreciated.
Well happy hump day, my beautiful loves. The past 10 days have been a bit of a journey. Guys are psycho, girls are psycho, even my god damn puppy is a psycho. How do we handle it? We don’t. We’re just all psycho living in a psychotic world. There’s nothing we can do but embrace it. We’re all in this together.
I chopped my hair short. Got rid of the dead ends and dead feelings. In a way, it kind of symbolizes a new me. Brittany 3.0. It’s more about representing who I want to be and where I want to be as opposed to being stuck in the same routine. I don’t think I’ve changed my hair style in years. So even though I’m being cute and trendy, there is much more behind my long bob.
MEN. Well, well, well. I still can’t seem to figure out why we let them dictate our lives.
“Oh I have 578495739 things to do today, but you want to hang out? OK I’m free.”
Raise your hand if you are guilty. If you’re not raising your hand, I will just guess you’re shy – totally OK. But since I know I’m guilty of it, I will digress. Even someone we are just getting to know has the capability to steal the show. Or maybe it’s someone you still hold a flame for. Either way, we’re letting guys get in the way of our lives and when we end up with a fizzled-out relationship or worse, a broken heart – it’s beyond that because we have let other parts of our lives down to please these guys.
I knowwww it’s August but, work with me here. Let’s do a past mid-year resolution. YOU come first. If a guy shows interest in you, he will have to show interest in all of you. If your hectic life means you can only hang out two times a week, he needs to be okay with that. If he’s not, he’s NOT worth your time. Of course we can compromise, but only if he is worth it. How do we find out if he is worth it? Back track to 4 sentences ago. See this cycle?
Boosting your own self-esteem (aka realizing your worth) and finding a quality guy? Two birds. One stone. DONE. Except not real birds….I’m a vegetarian :)
FINALLY, I had a weekend to reflect. To think. To sit. To walk. To breathe. To live. To just be in touch with myself.
Between the beach and the overdose of family bonding time, I achieved it. But I did lose my Ray Ban aviators at the mall earlier in the day Friday and teared up. That’s how I knew something was actually wrong.
It isn’t like me to let things bother me so much. I keep a weekly to-do list and some days, I have a daily list. Errands, chores, work, etc. – I’m on top of everything. For some reason, I just haven’t had such a tight grasp and I could feel things slipping away.
So, today is a new week. Last night when I got home, I edited the articles I needed. I wrote up a new weekly list today. I have a lot going on and I feel more capable to handle it.
Believe it or not, I even deleted tinder. It’s way too overwhelming. And honestly, I have hardly any time to hang out with my friends, how am I supposed to make time for strangers? Weirdly enough, it helped.
Bring it on, new week. I’m ready for you.
Sidenote: I was a little sad that I didn’t have a boyfriend while at dinner with my brother and his wife. But, I think that is normal.
NEW WORD ALERT: Snice – ‘so nice’. Wow, that girl is snice.
Well, well, well.
Today cannot possibly be as miserable as yesterday.
I put myself on the line, I am told by an ex to kill myself.
Another ex overnighted a late birthday package that almost made me rip my hair out due to frustration (we just do not see eye to eye).
Can you see now why I wanted to ‘cut the fat’? All of this stupid, petty nonsense is stressing me out. I have no idea how other peoples’ minds work and I’m not even trying to find out. I know that I do what I want. But it just seems I cannot escape madness and psycho personalities wherever I go. Between the hundreds of things going on in my life, I actually don’t even have time for Netflix anymore, which is kind of sad. All I want to do is relax.
I also can’t seem to figure out why I’ve been giving my time to people that aren’t worth it, yet I have so much going on. It’s like I’m having a hard time making myself a priority in my life. Yet, whenever I am in a relationship, I always put myself first and it turns into a problem.
Catch-22? I think so…..
Well it’s been almost a month since this ‘recovery/soul-searching’ journey has begun and I can’t help but reflect.
I feel lighter. Well, granted I’m still recovering from the hangover from hell from Atlantic City, but other than that. I feel more self-aware. Ugh, does that mean I’m getting old?! Kidding.
I’m getting in touch more with my personality, my hobbies, my interests. I’m not afraid of what to say or how to say it. I’m not rude, I’m driven. I’m really embracing the whole concept of friends and family and unconditional love.
I’m banning negativity from my life. I know life isn’t always sunshine and flowers, but you get what you give. I regret a few relationships in my past and anytime I have ever compromised myself for someone else. No more.
When I was little, I hated Tuesdays. Every Tuesday involved dancing school for about as long as I can remember. It wasn’t horrible, it’s not like I was getting my teeth pulled. But at the same time, it was something I was pressured into. I started out loving it, but it grew into a more serious game that I just wasn’t ready to play. I would beg my mom to let me stay home. I’m pretty sure I maxed out my absences.
However, at age 25, Tuesdays are just dull. They’re long and just nothing to look forward to. Sure it’s not Monday, but it’s not hump day, it’s not the day before Friday and it sure as hell is not Friday. I tutor on Tuesday night for high school drop outs to get their GED. But the 1.5 hour drive from work to tutoring is beyond dreadful. If I do it again, I will probably try to find something closer to work.
Last night, I actually slept after work and woke myself up after a strange dream around 8:45. I hate napping after work, throws my whole day off and the next day, I’m staring at a to do list with NOTHING done. And I sit and dwell and it just aggravates me.
In other news, I lost 2lbs.
I don’t know where I’m going with this. Just felt the need to rant.
Life lesson – Tuesdays suck.
I’m not really too sure what to write about today.
I feel more confident in my life than the last two weeks. I still feel a little overwhelmed and not as efficient as I can be. But I think given the nonstop life I’ve been living lately, it’s normal.
This could be one of the most important weekends of my life. Tonight, especially. I just need to get off my ass and finally hit the ground running. But I know it’s only 2:35 here and I have literally until I fall asleep around midnight to get my butt in gear.
Also, I plan to take a run. Gotta shed these extra lbs that have recently snuck on.
If I come up with anything else to share, I’ll mention it. But otherwise, life is good, life is filling and it’s steady. Oh normalcy, how I have missed thee.